


How to dogsit Bucky and Peter: an instruction manual

by silverspirit2005



Series: IronShield Domestic Ruffs [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Deadpool is mentioned, Dog!Bucky, Dog!Peter, Gen, Humor, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark (implied) - Freeform, and the usual crew, no characters actually appear, so is logan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 11:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18342596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverspirit2005/pseuds/silverspirit2005
Summary: Congratulations, you are deemed worthy enough by Steve Rogers and Tony Stark to look after Bucky and Peter while we are away!That being said, due to previous incidents and as advised by Tony’s lawyers, we are compelled to write a detailed instruction manual on how to take care of the dogs.





	How to dogsit Bucky and Peter: an instruction manual

**Author's Note:**

> I completely forgot that I have this written up and was pleasantly surprised to find it this morning.  
> This story will make little sense without reading the first part of the series. The tl;dr version is that Bucky and Peter are Tony and Steve's dogs, and Logan and roach!Pool happen to be their neighbours.  
> Not at all polished work, but I hope it'll make someone laugh for a bit at least.  
> Again, thanks Rachel for endorsing my roach!Pool, he's a personal fave.

How to dog-sit ~~Bucky~~ ~~James~~ Bucky and Peter: an instruction manual

 

Congratulations, ________________! You are deemed worthy enough by Steve Rogers and Tony Stark to look after their dogs while they are on holiday/off on a business trip/hunting down HYDRAs/taking their spontaneous honeymoon. After weeding through our literal address book (seriously, Steve has a leather-bound book and everything, the weird grandpa!), you have been selected for this great honour. This signifies how highly we regard you and appreciate our friendship (and also the fact that you’re naïve enough to not skip town when we call).

As a thank you, for the coming days, feel free to make use of our house and enjoy the utilities as you so wish (as long as you do not break Tony’s coffee machine, or mess with the bots, or fuck someone in our bed, I’m looking at you Barton!). Deliveries and Netflix are on us. House parties are not allowed, however ‘sweet’ our abode is (if you do not listen to us, do remember that you are in the territory of one Bucky and he will eviscerate your guests and you without prompting).

Bucky and Peter are lovely house-trained dogs that are quite self-sufficient and have had loads of experience being dog-sit. However, due to previous incidents and as advised by Tony’s lawyers, we are compelled to write a detailed instruction manual on how to take care of Bucky and Peter. Please heed these friendly advice, otherwise you will really have no legs to stand on if you want to sue us. And we have a Pepper, we can sic her onto you. Unless you’re Pepper, in which case, hi Pepper! You should be OK though, the boys adore you, goodluckandgodsspeed!

***

1\. When you first arrive, take your time to familiarise yourselves with the dogs regardless of how much you know them. They can be pretty paranoid and can randomly decide to be untrusting of people, so give them lots of cuddles on the first day to let them get used to you.

2\. Food for the dogs are in the cupboard above the fridge. Feed them twice a day, two cups of wet food per meal for Bucky and give Peter half of that, mixed with kibbles. Treats for them are in the same cupboard and are to be given sparingly, despite how their puppy eyes will convince you otherwise.

3\. The dogs are allowed to sleep in the bedroom on the dog beds. During the day they have free range of both outdoors and indoors area, so leave the veranda door open. We tend to take the dogs out twice a day, once before breakfast and once after dinner. For cleaning during the day, let JARVIS know and he will send one of the cleaner bots out. During this time, keep Bucky and Peter away from cleaner bots, otherwise Peter will chew and swallow them and we have had enough of the vet’s stink-eye whenever we bring Peter in.

4\. Indoor toys for the dogs are in a basket in the living room and outdoor toys are in the cupboard on the veranda. The dogs are pretty good at keeping them separate and can tidy up after themselves, but if they forget to please give them a hand. And yes, one of Bucky’s chew toy looks like a rifle that sometimes have bullet-like projectiles coming out from it. Just ignore it, Bucky knows what he is doing. Do be aware that if you accidentally piss him off during the day, you might wake up at night to find him hovering by your bedside with the rifle in his snout and making menacing cocking sound. So you know, do NOT piss him off.

5\. Ignore the dildo-like toy in Peter’s bed. We have no excuses (it’s Tony’s fault, by the way!), but Peter has grown pretty attached to it and we do not have the heart to separate them. He looks really cute with it we swear!

6\. If you find Peter stuck in the food cupboard, don’t be alarmed, he does that. Gently remove him from the shelf and give him a disappointed look, he responds to that much better than scolding. If you find Bucky with his nose in the fridge, glare and scold him, but if he starts to growl, better off just retreat. Chances are you either gave him too little for lunch or something’s been stealing his food again (see #7)

7\. If you see a huge red-and-black cockroach scurrying around the house, it is not ours! Contact our neighbour on the left side for its removal (the guy’s name is Logan, looks homicidal most of the time, that’s just his default expression, always bring beer with you!). DO NOT attempt to kill the cockroach with a broomstick (Steve, what are you, 90?!) or bug spray (believe us, we have tried). In case Logan is not home, it responds to the name of ‘Pool and can be temporarily lured away with taco sauce, but contact Logan anyway because it will be back!

8\. Peter needs a bit of coaxing to bed at night, otherwise he will try to stay up even if he is tired. Leave a lamp on in the living room and never leave Peter in the dark by himself. The dogs have separate beds, but if one of them moves to the other’s during the night, do not discourage him. Be careful of touching Peter if Bucky is sleeping with him, Bucky might bite.

9\. If the dogs start to get antsy and playing/walking does not calm them down, bring them into our bedroom. If this does not help, ask JARVIS to play video #210-219 on the screen in the living room and let them watch (do NOT let them watch any other videos, especially #69, #81 and #102-139. Nor are you allowed to watch them, we are looking at you Barton and Wilson!). If they are still not calmed, call Peggy or Pepper for help. If you are Peggy or Pepper, video-call and put us on the big screen.

10\. Remember to massage Bucky’s joint with oil every day (the oil is kept on the mantelpiece with Bucky’s name on it). He is usually much more amenable before bed and will respond better if you give him a brush first. If Bucky starts to scratch or gnaw the joint of his prosthetic, check with JARVIS for a quick prognosis. Chances are you will only need to tighten a loose screw (ask JARVIS for instructions) or clip some of the hairs around the joint if they’re starting to poke at the flesh. If JARVIS advises so, please call us.

11\. If Bucky starts barking in the middle of the night, give him one of the blankets in the living room cupboard. Give him a pat or bring Peter to him if he persists. Do NOT let him sleep with you on the bed, cos he will never leave. 12. If you find Peter stuck on the ceiling or one of the walls, do not be alarmed. Call for him and he should be able to remove himself no problem. When necessary, he can be peeled off the vertical surface by gently lifting his paws, like peeling off Velcro. His hair will be sticky, so be careful, otherwise you will find yourself physically stuck to him for the next 6 hours.

13\. If someone comes and asks/threatens/blackmails you to see Peter, feel free to go all open season on the bastards. Extra ammunition are taped under all cupboards and tables in the house. The code for complete lockdown of the bedroom is BP15MP62 and code for the basement lockdown is WS19RB41. If JARVIS is down, the code panel is on the right of any entrance and can be activated by your thumb fingerprint. And of course we have your fingerprints. Abuse this power however and we will make sure you have no fingers left.

14\. Unless someone’s life is in mortal danger, do NOT use the Winter Soldier code on Bucky without consulting us. Especially you Fury. We will sic him onto you, mark our words.

15\. In case you happen to find yourselves in the most horrific of situations (eg. HYDRA attacks/SHIELD fallen/AI hell-bent on world domination/etc.) and we cannot be contacted and there is no one to turn to, do remember that we pick you to look after Bucky and Peter for a reason (sadly despite common sense dictates sometimes, like for you Barton). You were chosen because of your close relationship to us and our family and we know that while you will do everything to protect Bucky and Peter, they are also willing and capable of protecting you in turn. So trust your instincts and trust theirs, and we promise everything will turn out fine.

***

Many thanks for looking after the dogs while we are away once again. We are certain that you and the boys will have a fantastic time together. That being said, if we were to come home and find that you have kidnapped one of our dogs, we will hunt you down and ruin your lives. Even if you are Peggy or Pepper.


End file.
